This week in our Lost recap:
Season 5- Episode 6: 316.
Disclaimer: This is a Jack Episode. There will be tears. Mostly his. If you are a die-hard fan of Jack’s, I would not read this recap because there will be mocking.
The episode opens and I check if I really got the right one on…
Because the opening scene is an exact mirror of the opening scene in the Pilot. Jack opens his eye.
And OMG he is BACK on the island! and I am like: ha? what? wait? Already? ha?
He sits and he smiles. I smile too, because it’s like oooooooo he is back!
Then he has a scrap of paper with “I wish” written on it. I wish what? wait! WHAT? ha?
Then he hears someone calling for help and it’s Hurley! He runs (of course)
He is up at the waterfall, Hurley seems to be drowning (wait! what? ha? can’t Hurley swim? I am pretty sure I have seen him in the ocean once or twice throughout this show)
Super!Jack! without a moment’s pause (of course) jumps from the impossibly high waterfall to rescue Hurley (of course).
Hurley has a Guitar case (hummmm possible Charlie connection here folks? I am sure this will come back later!), he saves Hurley (of course)
then they see Kate and they swim to her…(notice that Hurley is alone in the pool now, all of a sudden the pool is so shalLow they can walk AND JACK JUMPED FROM THE IMPOSSIBLY HIGH WATERFALL WITHOUT HITTING BOTTOM – OF COURSE. )
She opens her eyes and says “Jack.. are we” and he says “yep, we are back”
46 Hours earlier: LA – Back in the church, some of the O6ers are meeting with Mrs Hawking
And Jack is like: what is this place?
It has a pendulum….
A black board…..
Top Secret pictures that everyone can see….
And she explains that this is the Lamp Post and this is how the Dharma Initiative found the island. Then, she begins to tell a story. How the post was built over a pocket of electro-magnetic energy that connects to similar points all over the world. The island was in one of those pockets and someone (WHO????????) figured out that they needed to stop looking for where the island is and try to figure out where it was going TO BE.
Jack is like – you are kidding right?
Mrs Hawking (doesn’t she look like an escapee from Hogwarts?) carries on saying the island was always moving and this is how they were never rescued. And I am like. Ha? Wait! What? Ha? The island is always moving? Ha? What in space? I thought it was only in time? And only because of the Wheel thingy that Ben and now, Locke turned?
When people start to explain things in this show, I realise I am not too sure I want to listen.
Ayways, she tells them that every time they find the island they have a 36 hours gap to get there.
Then, Desmond has had enough and says: are you mental people? Are you really considering going back to the Island of Doom? Then he explains that he is there to deliver a message from Faraday.
He says that Faraday needs her help. Not Jack’s, not Sun’s, not Ben’s: HERS. She says: But I am helping, dear. I snort. he says “Consider the message delivered” He starts to walk away but the woman says that the island is not done with him yet.
Desmond walks back and tells everyone that they shouldn’t listen to her. That she cost him 4 years of his life. He tells Jack: “You listen to me, brotha, and you listen carefully, these people — they’re just using us. They’re playing some kind of game and we are just the pieces.” Then he tells Mrs Hawking: “You say the island’s not done with me. Well, I’m done with the island.”
Desmond I LOVE YOU!
But we all know that he is completely deluded if he thinks he is not going back at some point.
Mrs Hawking then explains that they need to catch flight 316 to Guam that will fly over their window. And if they want to return they need to recreate as best as they can the circumstances of the first flight.
I stare at the TV. Is this the best they can come up with? This is so ….ridiculous. No, that’s not the word I am looking for. Pathetic? oh, wait a minute: LAME. That does not make any sense. WHY? WHY? For starters, there’s only 6 of them now. All of the others are either dead or back in the island. How can they possibly recreate anything? Seriously? No, seriously????
Even Jack agrees with me.
She then asks to speak with him privately.
She tells him that Locke left him a suicide note – Jack is distressed and so am I. We did not know that Locke had killed himself. He asks why. She says for inumerous reasons but the important thing is that he is going to help them going back to the island. Then she drops the bomb:
That Locke will be a proxy to Jack’s father’s body who was in the original flight, helping them recreate the original conditions.
I feel completely, utterly dispirited by this. I always allow myself to believe that Locke or Desmond or even Sawyer are important characters on their own but they ALWAYS come back to Jack. It is always about Jack. So Locke had to go through it all, leave the island, sacrifice himself, so that he could play Jack’s daddy dead body? COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK.
She tells him that he needs to get something of his father for John to wear. I roll my eyes yet again.
The freaking hero of this show, Jack, goes through his usual motions: he cries.
He wants to have a drink.
Then he gets a phone call and it’s his…
Granddad. Oh please spare me Lord, another Shephard? Will my suffering ever end? The nursing home called Jack because granddad tried to leave again. blah blah blergh.
Then Jack helps him unpack and he has what? TEARS in his eyes.
Again. If this was a drinking game, I would have been drunk by now.
Because he found his daddy’s shoes in his granddaddy’s luggage.
He goes home. This episode is boring. Then again, Jack’s episodes are always the worst.
He finds Kate lying on his bed. And, as per usual in their interactions:
She is crying. She says that Aaron is gone. That he can never ask about him and that she will go with him to the Island of Doom.
Then they kiss. Chemistry = zero.
It’s the morning after. Look at him, all chipper.
They make small talk, like nothing really important happened. I guess it wasn’t that good. Insert evil laugh here. She leaves.
Then he gets another phone call. and it’s
Bloody (literally) Ben, saying that he was sidetracked(no shit) and that Jack needs to go get Locke.
Locke is at that Butcher shop
Look at him so peaceful.
Jack puts the shoes on.
And then tells him that he can have his letter back. He got what he wanted, he is going back. He doesn’t want to hear any more of he has to say. So, there you have it. Lo and behold: your leader. Your hero. Refusing to read a letter that may contain important information and/or instructions for his mission! Really smart Jack. You are such a winner.
At the airport: he checks in. He has to explain about the body.
Kate is there too.
As it this man. The camera stops on him, I have no clue who he is but I guess he will come into play later.
Sun made it too.
Then they see Sayid! Being escorted by a Marshall! He was arrested? How? was it Ben? Is it why he was all bloody? Why would they take Sayid to Guam? One must wonder….
And look! Hurley is there too! All of the O6ers are there, expect for Aaron!
They board the plane.
…. (Kate doesn’t want Jack sitting with her – insert evil laugh here)
At the last minute Ben makes it too.
Hurley is all like, wait, what is he doing here? I ask myself the same thing cause you know, Ben WASN’T IN THE ORIGINAL FLIGHT WAS HE NOW?
Jack says it’s all right. Oh and somehow, Locke’s suicide note make it to the plane and is delivered to Jack. Muwhahahaha.
Interesting fact: no one asks what happened to Ben. and I want to know! Goddamn it people, are you not curious?
Jack and Kate eventually talk about how incredible it is to be going back. Jack says, “You don’t think that it means something, that somehow…we’re all back together?”
Kate says, “We’re on the same plane, Jack. That doesn’t make us together.” Wow that is so deep. I roll my eyes.But then something really cool happens, something that makes this episode: they hear the pilot’s annoucement and it’s Frank Lapidus! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Jacks asks to speak to him
And he is all like. Jack, it’s good to see you!
Then he looks behind him, and sees all the others and he is like Crap, we are not going to Guam are we?
Later Jack asks Ben: How can you read.
Ben says: My mother taught me.
Then Jack asks Ben if he knew that Locke has killed himself. He says he didn’t know (And I think he is lying as per usual). Then Ben encourages Jack to read the letter.
His eyes fill with tears. Again. ay. The letter is awesome:
Locke, I LOVE YOU!
Right then the plane starts to shake , the bright light comes and then….
they go back to the start….
They are there by the pool and then they hear some 70’s song and a car that is approaching and…
it’s the Dharma Van!
someone comes out of it with a gun…
They stare incredulously – Jack
Hurley, because the person is….
Wait!What? In a Dharma Uniform?
A very weak episode. The whole thing with the O6ers having to recreate the original flight and John being a proxy to Jack’s father was so stupid and lame. The best parts were Frank Lapidus in the plane and then Jin at the end. Anyways, next is a Locke episode. They are always fun!