Getting Ready To Be Lost – One Last Time!

Lost will be back this Tuesday with a two-hour premiere starting its sixth and final season. There will be another 16 episodes and then ALL WILL BE OVER.

Excuse us while we have a moment.

Ok, we are back. After 5 seasons of mind blowing happenings, twists and turns, ghosts, psychics, physics, pseudo-physics, religious overtures, polar bears and boars and horses, time travel, deaths, births, The (ZOMBIE) Love Quadrangle of Doom (that nearly drove us insane), numbers, coincidences, fate, mumble jumble, whispers, hatches, Others, other others, villains, double crossings, WTfuckery and whatnots, we repeat: All Will Be Over.

Needless to say, we, as die-hard fans of the show since its inception, have high expectations for this last season. And there are a few things that we would like to see happening in our little screen in order to make us happy:

1) A Grand Unified Theory of Everything.

Physics geeks FTW! Darlton (that’s the ‘ship name for writer/creators Damon Lindeloff and Carlton Cuse) have promised us a Lost GUT since the beginning, and we are going to be so incredibly pissed if it turns out to be any of the following: Snowglobe, Purgatory, Paradise Lost, All just a dream or whatever.

We’ll be even MORE PISSED if there is no Grand Unified Theory of Everything answer for everything that has happened so far.

We will be so mad if they give us nothing, or if they cop out with a Twilight Zone ending. If the writers simply say any of the following:

1. LOST island is just a weird island that moves around the south pacific because of electromagnetism
2. Jacob, Ghosts of People That Have Died, Smokey, et. al. are mere figments of the imagination brought on by electromagnetism
3. The whispers are completely forgotten (or are simply The Others)…or are sounds created by electromagnetism
4. Richard Alpert is just a lucky dude that has had a long life because he is on the island and can jump around because of…electromagnetism
5. The island heals people because….electromagnetism
6. Desmond can flash through time because….electromagnetism

TELL US WHAT THE POINT IS. No more pseudo “well, duh, it’s electromagnetism” crap! Is Lost Island an alien experiment that spawned all life and religion on earth? Is it Hell? You promised us a Grand Unified Theory DAMMIT, and you WILL DELIVER.

(Just so you know there are a grand total of 325 unanswered questions so far. You can read them all here)

That is really what we would like to see. Above all else. A measure of reasoning and sanity behind it all: the clear and unmistakable proof that there was a plan behind everything that we saw in this show. That we were not just jerked around for the sake of WTF!OMG!POLARBEAR moments. If we get ANSWERS, even if we don’t necessarily LIKE them, we will be happy campers indeed (ok maybe not happy campers per se, but you get our drift).

The rest will be icing on the cake, like:

2) A Measure of Happiness

These people have been through a lot. We mean, a lot. Yes, some of them do have reproachable pasts. Some of them did Really Bad Things. But the majority of the characters deserve at least, some measure of happiness. We are talking about Hurley, for example. If that dude, doesn’t get a happy ending, somehow, somewhere, we will be devastated.

Or Sun and Jin. Claire and Aaron. Locke. And Desmond. Speaking of which:

3 ) DESMOND

We would really like to know if Desmond is really as special as we think he is. All signs, in our opinion point to “Yes”. We have geeked out on a Grand Desmond Theory for years, ever since he first showed up in season 2. In season 5 he took a back seat (he hardly even showed up) that made us seriously doubt ourselves. And that cannot be. We are hoping he will come back with a bang in this last season and prove us right. Or the universe will collapse.

4) The End of the Quadrangle of DOOM once and for all.

The Love Quadrangle of Doom gave us stupid scenes like the one above. But we saw the end of it, when Sawyer found happiness with Juliet. They were cute together. They were in love. BUT at the end of season 5, Juliet fell to her death. That, coupled to the possible reset, prompted by the Hydrogen Bomb blowout may point out to a reset of the Quadrangle as well. We hope this is not the truth. (Although, deep in her heart of hearts, Ana still sort of hopes of a Sawyer-Kate ultimate hook-up) (And so does Thea. Even though she knows it’s not gonna happen).

5) Sawyer

He better have an heroic ending. No other character has had such an awesome arc as Sawyer. He went from a sleazy womaniser, self-absorbed con-man to a mature, responsible, leader that people could look up to. We would prefer he made it alive and well, but if he dies he better die a heroic death. No backtracking, please. We are just saying.

And one last thing: He Walks Amongst Us But Is Not One Of Us

(If you are sick and tired of us bitching and moaning about Jack, avert your eyes now!)

The ONE thing we are not prepared to see is for Jack to be the beginning and end of everything. If the Grand Unified Theory of Everything is …. Jack…..

…because he is the Incarnated Something from Somewhere (as his godforsaken tattoos from that scary Thai chick with the alien chest might signify) we actually think our collective brains will literally explode and our faith on TV shows will forever be tarnished by this blackness of profound lack of creativity. This can not happen. We don’t think we can ever recover after that.

And that is it! What about you, fellow Lost geeks? What do YOU want from the Final Season?